For real?!!!

I am engaged!!!

I just want to know!

I'm so exhausted and so ready for something to fall from the sky that says Shelly here you go this is what your supposed to do for the next 364 days of my life... I'm so ready to hear from God some specifics. I really want to live were He wants me to but I also know He's teaching me how to trust Him because that is a much bigger lesion that I need. I know what I have heard but I don't know all I want to know and that just happens to be some pretty important dissensions that I wish were already made.

What do I want to do with my life? Well you can read my "Dreaming" Blog a couple blogs down and it tells to the tee what my desires are. Those desires were put there in my heart by God and became my ambition as I watched my family and my mommy raise me and help other people know Jesus better. That is what I want to do now.

I'll be twenty years old in eleven weeks and in eleven weeks I will know a lot more about life than I do right now. But what I do know is that I want to be preparing for my future. As I wrote in my last blog God has blessed me abundantly. I want to use all that God has given me for His purpose that He has for my life. I know that there is not a one sized fits all plan for my life and sometimes I kinda wish it was closer to that. Because the truth is that the things God has made me for are not the same as every body else. And for some reason God has not only given me different dreams but also given them to me a little earlier than every one else too. So what do I do when I want to start life but all my friends are still talking about "cooties and cute clothes"? It's so much easier to be the person people expect you to be and to blend in with the crowd around m. I just know that I need GODs plan to be fulfilled and I don't want to jump in any of the wrong places.

I feel like the door is opening really slow like when your claustrophobic in a slow elevator and you feel like you might never get to the right floor just so the doors will open. That's how I feel and I'm ready to get off. I know what's at the top but I'm not just sure yet what's going to happen on the way up.

Blessed to Bless Others

I have nothing to be un happy about... that is what I discovered or more fully realized when I woke up today at 11:30 almost pm in my comfie bed and green bedroom. The lies that somehow I tell myself are that I would be happier if or life would be better if.... I had my own place, I was married, I had more money, my family lived closer, i was done with college, I was prettier and many many more lies... I figured out today, just out of the blue that I have it better off right now... I have a gorgeous big beautiful house that's in a super location and close to friends. I have an amazing dad who works really hard to provide for me so that I can live here and eat here and wash my hair here... My dad is a super provider for our family. My mother is always here to talk and lesion and help me in troubles as she has my whole life. I have an amazing boyfriend who loves me and watches out for me and also provides for me let alone spends way way to much time by my side. (which is a good thing) I'm happy that I was blessed with him early in my life although I think things are a little harder this way it's been so great to have a best friend like Him by my side. I'm also glad that we have this time to just be friends and get the excitement of seeing eachother before we are married. It's fun to dream about. The whole money thing is so crazy I fall into it over and over... it's so great to know that things of any kind just won't satisfy. No dress is cute enough no car is worth anything next to people and God and that indeed is what I want to spend my life earning the respect friendship and love of People and God... not money or what money could by me. I miss my sister a lot she lives 4 hours away and is pretty much having an exciting part of her life right now that I don't get to be a part of. Her little baby boy is kicking around in her tummy while my brother in law that I haven't seen or talked to in ages is fixing up there very first house for there new family. I wish I could go have hot chocolate with my big sis any night I wanted to. Yet she is a great example to me of how she lives her life. You can go many places and do many great things but if it's not where God wants you to be it's worthless. I know without a doubt that Lori is where God wants her and silly me to be jealous of that. This whole college thing... I really know that I don't want to give my life to school and work yet im such a perfecter in things like that. I can't do anything but my best even if it kills me- I have know clue why! But I see so many different opportunities all around me and I just want God to be like "SHELLY DO THIS!" Right now I have know clue what I am going to do... I have my ideas but i hope God makes them really really clear. I do struggle a lot with self esteem what girl doesn't? To think I'm going to go to kamp for 36 days and not wear a touch of makeup makes me want to freek out! I've been wearing makeup since I was like 13! and even if I don't look good in a two peice or with my hair straightened, I still have a boyfriend who tells me i'm beautiful when I have been crying for hours and in my flash clothes. Hear I sit complaning about life everyday and wishing it away... that is not the Shelly I used to know! Where did that come from? Well, I got sick of it today and for real I like how everything is right now.

I AM BLESSED beyond measure!

Dreaming

My Dream...

To live in a cute little house that I can Garden out front and have a big deck that wraps around three sides of the house with white posts and a pouch swing. Beautiful decorated rooms in a wide range of colors and fun personalized things all around... our bedroom would be in the attic with a window seat and we would have a sitting area and then you walk down to the bedroom part...

More of my Dream...
To be married to the man beyond my dreams who works for our family and goes on adventures with me all the time... We would never get sick of picnics and taking walks at night and just curling up and watching movies together doing things going places we have never been just being together. Being best friends. I want to be His helper as the Bible describes me to be. I want to be his Biggest fan, encourager, lover and best friend.

Dreaming more... I would love to have a small business where I could take pictures such as, senior, wedding, couples, engagement, family, sports, babies, and kids...Have a little office with amazing framed pictures. I would love to specialize in making personalized books.

More...
Having a couple cuties that run around the house watching them grow and being able to teach them about God early so that they are ecstatic about how real He is. I want to finger paint and build tree houses, have tea parties and make music videos... I want to be the best mommy ever!

I dream more...
I would love to have a small group in our home when couples come over and we can learn about Gods greatness together... I also want to have an outreach to teenage girls were they can come over learn how to sew and cook and then get really deep in the word and in theology knowing that we can start young making a difference for Christ.

More...
I would love to travel go places that are different than the great Ozarks, definitely: Paris, Israel, Arizona, Main, California, Colorado, Hawaii, Australia... I would love to take photos there but also just experience the different cultures and beautiful creation.

Dreaming...
I want my day to day life to not be about me but I want to help others by encouraging them and doing things for them that will help them be who God can make them... I want to be one of those women that you can't get out of The Word... I want to think in such a way that is always in context of eterenity.

I have many dreams and many more will come i'm sure yet I know that God has my life all planned out and I am part of his Body so beyond any of my dreams I want to give them all up in order for God to fill me up with His spirit so I can be a vessel for His Glory...

That's my DREAMS