Blessed to Bless Others

I have nothing to be un happy about... that is what I discovered or more fully realized when I woke up today at 11:30 almost pm in my comfie bed and green bedroom. The lies that somehow I tell myself are that I would be happier if or life would be better if.... I had my own place, I was married, I had more money, my family lived closer, i was done with college, I was prettier and many many more lies... I figured out today, just out of the blue that I have it better off right now... I have a gorgeous big beautiful house that's in a super location and close to friends. I have an amazing dad who works really hard to provide for me so that I can live here and eat here and wash my hair here... My dad is a super provider for our family. My mother is always here to talk and lesion and help me in troubles as she has my whole life. I have an amazing boyfriend who loves me and watches out for me and also provides for me let alone spends way way to much time by my side. (which is a good thing) I'm happy that I was blessed with him early in my life although I think things are a little harder this way it's been so great to have a best friend like Him by my side. I'm also glad that we have this time to just be friends and get the excitement of seeing eachother before we are married. It's fun to dream about. The whole money thing is so crazy I fall into it over and over... it's so great to know that things of any kind just won't satisfy. No dress is cute enough no car is worth anything next to people and God and that indeed is what I want to spend my life earning the respect friendship and love of People and God... not money or what money could by me. I miss my sister a lot she lives 4 hours away and is pretty much having an exciting part of her life right now that I don't get to be a part of. Her little baby boy is kicking around in her tummy while my brother in law that I haven't seen or talked to in ages is fixing up there very first house for there new family. I wish I could go have hot chocolate with my big sis any night I wanted to. Yet she is a great example to me of how she lives her life. You can go many places and do many great things but if it's not where God wants you to be it's worthless. I know without a doubt that Lori is where God wants her and silly me to be jealous of that. This whole college thing... I really know that I don't want to give my life to school and work yet im such a perfecter in things like that. I can't do anything but my best even if it kills me- I have know clue why! But I see so many different opportunities all around me and I just want God to be like "SHELLY DO THIS!" Right now I have know clue what I am going to do... I have my ideas but i hope God makes them really really clear. I do struggle a lot with self esteem what girl doesn't? To think I'm going to go to kamp for 36 days and not wear a touch of makeup makes me want to freek out! I've been wearing makeup since I was like 13! and even if I don't look good in a two peice or with my hair straightened, I still have a boyfriend who tells me i'm beautiful when I have been crying for hours and in my flash clothes. Hear I sit complaning about life everyday and wishing it away... that is not the Shelly I used to know! Where did that come from? Well, I got sick of it today and for real I like how everything is right now.

I AM BLESSED beyond measure!